Evening Chuckle

imageEvening chuckle.Dumb Laws in Texas

One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.

The Bluebonnet is the official song of the state flower.

It is illegal to sell one’s eye

A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather.

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.

It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
Homosexual behavior is a misdemeanor offense.

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
City Laws in Texas

Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.

Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.

Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
Dallas
It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos.
El Paso
Urinating on the streets is illegal.

Appearing in public places wearing a “lewd dress” is prohibited.

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Ask Auntie Linda, November 3 2016

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am an average-looking and acting forty-five year-old single woman.  I live in the suburbs.  The boy next door is fifteen.  He has taken care of my mowing and yard-work for three years.  Last week, he came over and rang the doorbell.  When I answered he asked if I’d like to have sex.  I was so shocked, I said, “What did you say?”  He asked me again if I’d like to have sex.  I said “NO!” and slammed the door.  In about five minutes he rang the doorbell again.  Never dreaming it would be him again, I answered.  He said, “Please don’t tell my mother.”  What in the world would possess him to do such a thing?  Puzzled but not Impressed.

Dear Puzzled, Sounds like he watched too many porn movies and listened to too many wild stories.  I wouldn’t be too worried about a boy who didn’t want you to tattle to Mama.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I went to have my teeth cleaned today.  I’ve used the same hygienist for years, but today she wore my ears out.  She’s getting a divorce and thought I needed to know all about it.  I had no interest in her story, especially when she got to their sexual issues and what she expects from a man.  I was a captive with instruments in my mouth.  I finally waved her down and asked her to change the subject when I saw she was going to keep on.  I won’t be shy about telling her I don’t want to hear about her personal life before we start next time, but surely I am not the first person who got a load of garbage.  I encourage all hostage-holding caregivers and service providers to keep their personal business to themselves.  Most of us have enough on our plates already.  Sore Ears

Dear Sore Ears, That is very good advice.  Airing sexual issues can constitute sexual harassment, whether you offend customers or co-workers and is definitely not appropriate in these situations.  Thanks for writing.

Email your problems and questions to lbeth1950@hotmail.com

Afternoon Funny/Top 10 Reasons Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats

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1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say.
Cats will ignore you and take a nap.

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face.
Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will
make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.

5. A dog knows and tries to comfort you when you’re sad. Cats don’t care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.

6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats drop a dead mouse in your slippers.

7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you.
Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won’t go at all.

8. Dogs will happily come when you call and be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.

9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play
with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like
they’re in pain.

10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out.