Ask Auntie Linda

 Dear Auntie Linda,  I have two children thirteen and eleven.  My ex and I have been divorced four years and have shared custody of the children with no problems ever since.   I recently remarried and am pregnant.  My new husband Ron was just offered a great job and wants to move across the country, meaning I would only be able to see my children summers, holidays and an occasional long weekend.  I don’t want to leave the older children, but this is an opportunity of a lifetime for Ron. I worry Ron will blame me if he misses out on this opportunity.  Would it be wrong to ask Ron to pass up this chance?  Torn Mama

Dear Mama, There is no one and only opportunity for anyone.  It won’t ruin a person’s life to pass up an opportunity since they are most often made, not found.  You and Ron can make choices.  The children can’t.  I would never encourage a parent to choose to accept a lesser role in their children’s lives to advance a career.  Yours and Ron’s first responsibility is to the children, all of them.  Ron knew you had children when you married.  You have the rest of your lives to focus on other things.  Auntie Linda

 

Dear Auntie Linda, I am fifty-two, divorced, and have a good job, but my kids are ruining my life.  My thirty-year-old son works, but won’t move out of the house, though I have repeatedly told him he and the three big dogs who have ruined my furniture have to go.  My younger son is twenty-four and has moved his girlfriend and their two children in.  He works, but doesn’t help with the bills, since they need the money for pot. His girlfriend doesn’t take care of the kids are clean up behind them.  My daughter moved away with her boyfriend and left her nine-year-old daughter, Vessie with me.  I don’t want to throw Vessie out, but the rest need to go.  How can I get grown kids out of the house when they just refuse to go?  Flop House Mama

Dear Floppie Mama,  It’s good those kids aren’t paying rent.  Since they aren’t tenants, they have no legal status.  If you are serious about wanting them out, give them a date and tell them you will call the police if they don’t move.

Throwback Thursday

My Great-great Grandmother, Mary Graybeal Jones and my great-great grandfather John Jones.  He was her third husband and a captain in the Confederate Army

 

This is my grandmother, Mary Elizabeth Perkins Holdaway as a young woman at her home in Volney, Virginia.  Her father was a prosperous store owner.

My grandparents Mary Elizabeth Perkins and Roscoe Gordon Holdaway at their wedding in 1907

My grandparents in their mid-sixties.(Above)

My parents Bill Swain and Kathleen Marie Swain at their wedding June 29, 1945

Linda Swain Bethea First Grade School Picture 1956

 

 

 

 

 

 

Linda Swain Bethea 2015

Share this:

A hunter stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: “Am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for three days.” Hunter 2: “Don’t get too excited, friend, I’ve been lost for three weeks.”

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.” The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.” The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

A Texas mountain lion slipped across the line into Oklahoma to visit his cousin and couldn’t help noticing how sleek and well-fed his cousin looked.

“Hey Buddy, what’s your secret to eating so well?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s easy, cousin.  All you gotta do is sneak up behind a cowboy and scare the crap out of him.  Then you eat’im,”  he answered.

“All right!  I’ll give it a shot!”  He took off across the plains and they didn’t meet up again for about six months.

“Well, I thought you be looking a lot better by now, but it looks like you’re ’bout to starve to death.  Didn’t that advice I gave you help at all?”  said the Oklahoma cat.

“Naw, it didn’t,” said the Texas cat.  “I sneaked up and scared the crap out off ’em all right, but once you scare the crap out of a Texas cowboy, all you got left is boots and a belt buckle.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Afternoon Funny

The eastern lady who was all ready to take a
horseback ride said to the cowboy, “Can you get me a nice gentle
pony?”

“Shore,”said the cowboy. “What kind of a saddle do you want,
English or western?”

“What’s the difference?” asked the lady.

“The western saddle has a horn on it,” said the cowboy.

“If the traffic is so thick here in
the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I
don’t believe I want to ride.”

Three cowboys of the world are sitting
around camp talking about how tough they were.  The tales
kept getting bigger and bigger.
The cowboy from Australia says, “I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and
made it cry like a baby.”

The cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, “I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands.”

The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept
stirring the campfire with his leg.

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed
one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher
became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m
going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, What’s
your name?”

“Sam,” the cowboy moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?”

With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.

Q: Why
can’t the bankrupt cowboy
complain?
A: He has got no beef.

Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they’d cut the rope and he’d drop into the river and drift out of sight

They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasyhe slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom.

They tied the noose around the second cowboy’s head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away.

As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted, “Please! Would yaw’l tighten that noos
a little bit? I can’t swim!”

Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were
resting their horses out on the range.

“What’d Emmaline give yew for yore birthday?” asked Swint.

“Pair of cufflinks,” said Fess. “But I ain’t got no use for them. I can’t even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced.”

Who do zombie cowboys fight?

Deadskins.

Joke of the Day

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!” “It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!” “Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a weinie!”

---

MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED: G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy gets the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl!

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions… Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case

Blonde Logic January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…”duh”…bottles won’t fit in typewriter! March – Got excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…box said “2-4 years!” April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out! May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets! June – Tried to go water skiing…couldn’t find a lake with a slope. July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…car swamped, because top was down. September – The capital of California is “C”…isn’t it? October – Hate M & M’s…they are so hard to peel. November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! December – Couldn’t call 911…”duh”…there’s no “eleven” button on the phone! What a year!

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. “Please state the nature of your emergency,” says the operator. “Help! My house is on fire!” the blonde replies. “Okay, where do you live?” “In a house you silly billy!” the blonde replies. “No,no! How do we get there?” the operator asks frustratedly. “Duh! Big Red Truck!!”

A boss tells a blonde applicant, “I’ll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I’ll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?” “In three months.”

---

Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”

---

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back

WORD ON THE STREET IS…”There’s Spinach In Your Teeth!”

Reblogged from Authenticitee.

WELCOME

Hey you!

You were walking so fast I could barely catch up! I know since you landed the new promotion, your schedule has spiraled out of control! I’m sure you didn’t see me when I was running for the elevator; probably had some big meeting to go to! I just wanted to tell you that the word on the street is, “you have spinach in your teeth!”

When I saw the toliet tissue stuck to the bottom of your shoe and noticed your slip hanging, I was trying to let you know but you kept brushing past me. Every time you turned your nose up when I tried to make eye contact, you had a bit of company in the corner of your left nostril. Oh and you kept muttering to the gentleman trying to open the door for you, ” Out of my way peon!”, but it’s Leon

View original post 156 more words