Ask Auntie Linda, October 22, 2015

Dear Auntie Linda, I am the mother of two girls, ages six and seven. My mother died two years ago.  She and my father divorced before I was born.  She married my adoptive father when I was six months old.  I always suspected he was my natural father since due to her divorce and their hasty marriage.  They were wonderful parents.i had no contact with my birth father until after Mother’s death.  My adoptive father asked me not to see him, but I was curious.  My birth father is pressing for a closer relationship, saying he wants an opportunity to get to know me and my girls.  Only when I expressed my intention to do so, did my father reveal the circumstances of my birth.  My mother’s fourteen-year-old sister gave birth to me after being raped by my father.  The truth didn’t come out she was about five months along..  My birth father went to prison.  My aunt went back  to school after delivering me.  My mother adopted me, divorced my birth father and married my adoptive father within months. My aunt and I have always been extraordinarily close.  She confirmed the story.  My girls were thrilled about their new Grandpa and ask about him constantly.  I don’t intend to ever see him again, nor do I want have to tell my daughters the truth at their tender ages.  What do I tell them till I can tell the truth.  Not Who I Thought I Was

Dear Not Who, The simplest answer is best.  You found out that “Grandpa” is a bad man and you don’t feel safe or want him near them.  They aren’t to young to know that not everyone should be trusted.

Dear Auntie Linda,  This sounds like something off Jerry Springer, but it is true.  My sister, LouAnne met up with our third cousin Mike at a family reunion at my cousin’s house after not seeing each other for more than fifty years.  LouAnne and Mike hit it off and started socializing.  In fact, it is more than socializing.  They moved in together and are talking about getting married.  We are from a small town where everybody knows each other.  I am so embarrassed.  I wonder if this is even legal.  I am NOT going to the wedding, but I dread facing people.  How in the world do I deal with this?  NOT kissing a cousin

Dear Not, You are not responsible.  In most states there is no prohibition against cousins marrying if they are past fifty.  If you dread gossip, meet it head on by announcing the news to a friend or acquaintance yourself.  You’ll only have to tell one or two and the word will get around.  Auntie Linda